The importance of friends and the yearning for a sense of belonging

            Psychologist Abraham Maslow outlined basic human needs by constructing a five-stage model, like that of a food pyramid. Regardless of one’s axioms or their position on Maslow’s work, his ideas still transverse to the realm of traveling. Of the stages, I will focus on the psychological level of belonging and love. It will quickly become apparent, I hope, that despite this need being lower on the list of necessities it is almost impossible for the pyramid not to go full circle and build upon itself.

            Before I dive into my personal experiences, I want to bring up the sullen character Henry Chanski, the alter ego and main protagonist of Charles Bukowski’s novels. If you have never read any of his work, I highly recommend starting with Ham on Rye. Chanski, throughout his development as an individual, projected a semblance that was contradictory to that of Maslow’s hierarchy. To elaborate, Chanski continuously developed this bravado of being a bad boy, tough guy, one that needed only himself. Neglecting Chanski’s tribulations of his social and economic upbringing that most likely lead to these abnormal behaviors, Chanski still acted in a manner that reflected the psychosocial needs mentioned by Maslow. For example, without giving anything away, Chanski would always go back to a friend or a lover that he questioned or pushed away in the first place.

            At this point you may be asking, “where is this discursive fool taking me?” Well, I promise, there is a point. During my travels, especially this trip as it my second time moving abroad, I tend to become more reflective. Coming from an analytical background I must be careful to not let reflection become overthinking, an Achilles heel of mine. Furthermore, I have strived to fill my voids in time that accompany traveling with reading and not just in my usual state of reverie.

A state of reverie while exploring the beautiful city of Berlin with friends I made in Poland.

            Bukowski’s character came to me at a time when reflection was at a high and so the anxiety, which sometimes coincides with moving to a new country. While I have never been a Chanski, I have always considered myself a bit of a Ramblin’ Man or a Midnight Rider. While most things in life are a spectrum of extremities, I found myself leaning more towards the loner state when traveling due to a high level of independence I set for myself. Solo traveling provides these wonderful outlets of personal time unlike alone time at home. Removing oneself from a comfort zone or bubble may cause introspective thoughts that were unachievable while in a safe environment, thus the isness of a situation may be obtained.

            With that being said, I know few who can truly maintain this state of independence forever. Even the exemplary nomads have found an outlet which can produce that emotional stability Maslow speaks of. Whether it be Couchsurfing, expat Facebook groups, hitchhiking Facebook groups, Meetup, or the guy next to you at the bar, we all need someone. A friend is a friend, even if it is one that may be single-serving (yes that is a Fight Club reference). Friends provide haven from all that may go wrong when traveling. Let’s face it, we all have had some horror stories when traveling - if not maybe you’re playing it too safe. Even the minor inconveniences that occur can sum up and elicit feelings of homesickness, loneliness, or maybe aggravation. There is nothing wrong in having a shoulder to lean on, however this shoulder should not be a tool for extrinsic purposes. Friends can help provide the basic physiological and security needs that Maslow accounted for, thus allowing for a stronger base and therefore stronger friendships.

My birthday this year was spent with amazing people volunteering in Romania at Happy Faces Summer Camps. Volunteering abroad is a wonderful way to meet new people and form great bonds; it also can provide emotional stability for those that seek it.

            Stepping back from the analytical psychological view of friendship and transitioning the focal to a cultural lens, living in the South taught me friends are family. Making new friends abroad will never replace the ones back home and they shouldn’t. Friends abroad will become a new family with their own quirks and dysfunctions, one that you will learn to love just as much as the others. Finding friends like these takes time and the situation should not be forced or rushed, something that Americans need to remember. I say that since we come from a society that is used to instant gratification and are continually seeking peer approval. Forming fabricated friendships or families may ebb those vexed feelings, but like a band-aid, this is just a patch and not a cure.

Just some of many people that supported me throughout my life and young adult career. Family, you are missed immensely.

            I can confidently say that I would have not been able to transition into this new life living in Prague without my friends and family. This statement holds validity for both friends at home and abroad, people that I love and miss greatly. Friendships are important, even to the most sullen and introverted of people. The goal isn’t to make the most friends or the fastest, but rather make bonds that will last a lifetime. Nobody wants to end up like Chanski, even he didn’t want to.

            If I can share anything that I have learned it is to talk to everyone, especially when alone. Push yourself out of the comfort zone, go up and talk to that person you don’t know. Don’t fret if no connection is formed, be proud of yourself that you tried. Who knows, you might make a friend for life or assimilate previously unknown concepts. Remember, every shot not taken is a missed one, live life to the fullest and don’t ever look back with regrets.