French Family Relations

To be honest, I was most certainly nervous to live in a host family during my semester abroad.  I’m not exactly sure why, because I’ve never had an issue being in someone else’s home before.  But the fact that I was going to do the same thing for 4 months, in a foreign country, and speaking a different language was scary to me.  Since I was essentially going to be their child for next 4 months and wanted to be prepared, I did a little research to learn about the difference between American and French families.  This might not have been the best idea because it heightened my nerves even more.  It was a little bit like when you start to feel sick, so you look up your symptoms to determine your problem.  You quickly convince yourself that you somehow have some sort of terminal illness and only a week to live.  Everything I learned about French families, how the household works, and the parent-child relationships made me a little more nervous about the endeavor.

I learned that the household is run differently with rules and expectations that we don’t have in the United States.  For example, you shouldn’t open your windows, you must always wear slippers in the house, meals are a long event (sometimes 2-3 hours) during which active participation in the conversation is expected, and you must do everything to conserve every ounce of electricity (i.e. taking very short showers and turning off the water when you don’t need it, turning of the light in a room even if you’re coming back in just one second, etc.).  Additionally, I had the impression that everyone is always very strict and uses “vous” instead of “tu,” which is the formal vs. familiar form of “you” in the French language.  Now none of these rules seemed overly strange to me and I understood why they were expected, but I had psyched myself out and was worried about messing up and having my host family get mad at me.

Now fast-forward to meeting my host family.  I found out very quickly that not all that I had imagined was true.  Within 10 minutes of meeting them, they insisted I used “tu” and we quickly began having normal conversation.  I certainly struggled with the language barrier at first, but they welcomed me into their family and helped me along.  During the adjustment period, I did a lot of observing since I wanted to fit in and it was easier than talking.  As a result, I could see and understand how my host family interacts with each other.

I discovered that the French family isn’t very different from my own in the US.  My host parents are very involved with my host sister’s life.  A lot of their discussion revolves around who’s bringing her to and from school, activities, appointments, etc. depending on their work schedules.  Sometimes she takes her bike if they’re both occupied.  We all do our own thing during the weekdays but once everyone arrives home for the day, we have a family dinner.  We talk about our day, upcoming events, things that are going on in the world, and differences between France and the US.  I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, my family in the US has the same type of family dinner each night.

My host sister is 12 years old and in “cinquième” which would be 7th grade in the US.  She and I also do a lot together.  Every day, we always have an after-school snack and work on our homework with each other.  If she has questions on her English homework, I can help her and she does the same for me with my French homework.  If she doesn’t know, then my host parents step in and work with me to figure it out.  Throughout the course of the past 2 and a half months, I’ve seen her evolve and her relationship with her parents develop.  For instance, at the beginning of the school year, she preferred to do her homework exclusively with her parents’ assistance.  Whenever she had questions, they would give her guidance to understand and correctly do her homework.  More recently though, she has been asking fewer and fewer questions and growing more independent.

My host family has enjoyed spending their weekends helping me experience French culture.  We have participated in local activities in Rennes, such as going to an art gallery, the parks, etc. as well as visiting nearby attractions like Laval, La Gacilly, St. Malo, and some other coastal towns.  In my study abroad experience thus far, I have discovered that French families are not so different from American ones.  They have some slightly different rules, but it’s nothing drastically different.  Laughter, love, and looking out for each other are essential and my host family has welcomed me right into their family as if I had always been there.

Alexandra Withee

St Lawrence University