Finding Friendships - and Yourself - Abroad

As someone who is exactly 73% extrovert, I knew securing friendships abroad was pertinent to my happiness. Then again, I didn’t want to think about relationships as something to simply ‘obtain.’ Ready or not, from the moment I landed in Incheon International Airport the socializing began. 

One good thing to remember abroad is that every international student has something to connect with right off the bat: your travels. We’re all experiencing unfamiliar things daily, stepping outside our comfort zone, and breathing the air of a foreign land. That being said, most conversations within the first week of arrival were surface level. As the program CIEE kept us busy with excursions, city wide scavenger hunts, and delicious meals, I saw the people around me gravitate into friend groups. I met people I clicked with, but they were far and few in between and spread across multiple social circles.

I know I’m not alone in the fact that high school was a period of faking your identity to conform to the social norm. In college it got better, we solidified our values and found groups who matched our unique energies. But studying abroad basically compresses four years of developing friendships into four months where the normal relationship timelines won’t quite fit. I didn’t want to have to sacrifice any of my values just to have friends. 

About four days in, I felt the panic that I would never find a group of people who shared similar values and energy. (I wish that I could go back in time to reassure my dramatic self that four days is too early to fret!) The one thing that helped me pull through this anxiety was remembering who I came with: myself. Being comfortable spending time alone and going out by yourself is so crucial when abroad! I cannot emphasize this enough. It also gives you the freedom to do exactly what you want to do! So on my fifth night in Seoul I headed out alone to explore local neighborhoods, had an amazing time, and ended up running into a group of people from my program. After a quick, “Hey, mind if I join you?” I was warmly welcomed into the crew. This specific group of people ended up being my closest squad of friends here who I now have a home away from home with. :)

If I can offer some words of advice, it would be to say yes to every outing. Go to that club! Bus to Myeongdong for that group street food! Walk with someone to class when they ask if you want to join! Friendships form really fast abroad, and quality time seems to be the ultimate bond. On that same note, it’s okay to take some nights for yourself. Fear of missing out is especially prominent in our generation with peers posting on social media, so be especially cautious in checking in with yourself. As much as you should say yes, it’s equally valid to say no.

I also found that your friendships abroad will be different from your friendships at home. These are people you might not have otherwise hung out with, but are brought together through irreplaceable and unique moments. Let yourself be cultured by the differences in those around you and learn to be more accepting. I have met people from all walks of life here, and that means for the rest of my life I will have friends all across the world.

Making friends in your program is one thing, but finding Korean friends proves to be a bit more difficult. I am grateful that CIEE connects us with local university students to go on outings with, but I found it is also validating to find connections on your own. One case occurred when I went alone to a Blackpink concert and ended up befriending the girl next to me. Most of the concert was formatted like an interview/gameshow, so her offering to translate the important parts really helped me have a better experience. We still keep in touch through KakaoTalk and meet up for dinner and outings!

Overall, making friends while abroad should not be a worry. Everyone is in the same boat and eager to befriend people to share memories with. Stay authentic to yourself, and I promise relationships will fall into place.