Pre-Departure Reminders

Note: Written on June 17th, published on August 12th.

Fifty one days until I wake up, pile my earthly belongings into the car, and say goodbye to the United States–the only country I have ever called home–for the next ten months. I have an app on my phone called TimeCount that tracks this time down to the minute. The number staring back at me invokes different feelings depending on the day. Sometimes it is a rush of adrenaline and impatience, a sharp desire to start the adventure now and leave the quotidian behind. Other days it leaves me feeling nervous. Will I meet people that make me feel as happy and complete as my friends and family here in North Carolina do? Will I be able to complete my college applications while abroad? Will I be able to master German? While I know that the answer to all those questions is almost certainly yes, it can be dizzying to go down the path of all the unknowns. 

What helps assure me in these times is reminding myself of the things that I know for certain, even when it feels like nearly everything is unknowable:

1. I can control how I react to any situation. As I stare down ten months of unpredictability, I am reminded of the last two lines of William Henley's Invictus: "I am the captain of my fate, I am the master of my soul." It is reassuring to remind myself that while I can't control what is thrown at me, I can control how I react to it, ultimately deciding whether the unpredictable is an impetus for growth and discovery or an unwelcome obstacle.
2. I know what helps me to destress: Two things have gotten me through the hardest times in my life: running outside and writing. Running helps me to get out of my head and writing helps me to get inside my head and reflect. I am so grateful that my host family also enjoys getting out in nature on bike rides, runs, and hikes and I am looking forward to using these outlets to connect with my family while still taking care of myself. 
3. I am accompanied in this adventure: Having the opportunity to get to know many of the Americans who I will be traveling to Germany with through the interview in Atlanta and through social media not only makes me thrilled for the experience we will share together at language camp, but also puts me at ease to know that my every experience–the dull, the breathtaking, the lovely, the terrible–will not be mine alone.

For the next fifty one days I will be enjoying every moment that remains here in North Carolina. The dinners I share with my parents and my sister, Lily. The late night car rides and conversations with the friends that have become more like a second family. The worn-out running route through my neighborhood. I know that I am leaving a lot behind, but I also know that I will come back to what I am leaving having gained more than I possibly could have gained if I had stayed in the comfort of the things I know so well. 

I was seeking a challenge when I applied for the CBYX Program, and I am confident that I will get just that. I am excited to master a foreign language, create connections with people on the other side of the planet, and integrate into a family that has already gone to great lengths to make me feel welcome in my new home 5,000 miles away. 

Ich bin so dankbar für diese Gelegenheit und kann es kaum erwarten, sie mit dir durch diesen Blog zu teilen!

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,

Madeline