So I'm Trying to Learn Spanish

I did not remember much Spanish when I first arrived to my assignment in Pradoluengo. I regret not practicing more as it would have helped me be more prepared to communicate with people in the village. For most of my time here I have worked to learn Spanish and attempt to understand the language... it has not been easy. 

People constantly tell me I speak English very clearly for them as I purposely talk slowly and with emphasized pronunciations. However, here, in what is considered the 'heart of Spain', everyone talks rapidly and sometimes as if they never stop to breathe. There have been many days I have felt incredibly overwhelmed and unable to understand what is going on. 

I have been living here for two months now and can say I know more Spanish than when I first came here, but still I cannot hold a conversation. Today, in the weekly Spanish lesson I have with a teacher I work with, I took some tests to see if I had gained some Spanish knowledge. This is what inspired me to write this blog post. 

I passed the beginner tests. I knew what the sentences and questions were asking, I translated almost all of them properly to English, and knew the proper ways to answer too. Sure a few words here and there were new to me, but majority of them I knew easily. I then asked myself, if I know all these words and know ways to properly form sentences, why can I still not hold a conversation?

What I realized is there is no easy answer to that question. Reading and understanding Spanish is different than listening and understanding, and also different from speaking Spanish. Furthermore, if I am not harsh on people about their English and encourage them to try pronouncing new words and forming sentences, why am I so harsh on myself about my Spanish. Constantly I think about how to speak and answer in Spanish, but often stop myself from saying the words out of fear. Fear I will conjugate something wrong, prounounce an incorrect syllable, or say a completely wrong word. Often I sit and listen in on conversations mostly understanding what is being discussed (unless completely foreign words to me are being used), but I completely freeze up when someone asks me a direct question. Instantly I forget all the Spanish I have learned and have no idea how to respond. As someone who talks alot, I have never been so quiet in my life.

While I continue to practice my Spanish daily, it will not be perfect by the end of my stay here in a few weeks. I have been harsh on myself in not being able to learn more while here, but it has been a mental challenge for me. Though I know many phrases now and can read Spanish quite well, I will still struggle with talking to people. Slowly, I am realizing that's okay! First and foremost, I put myself in an challenging situation coming here and that is already something to be proud of. There is only so much one can do within two and a half months. This blog post is meant to serve as a reminder that not everything comes easily, especially something that is comepletely new to you. If you're struggling with something new or find yourself upset you have been unable to pick up a new skill in the way you thought, know you're not alone.