Reflection, Being part of a group and dealing with a disability.

In January 2002, when I decided to become a part of the CIEE Khon Kaen summer program, I knew many challenges lay ahead. Most of the challenges described on the website were intellectual challenges, but in my case, many of the challenges were physical ones as well. I had previously visited Thailand six times and developed a comfort level to which I had become accustomed. For me, the main challenge of the CIEE program was to take my current comfort level and gradually increase the amount of physical obstacles present.

Daily life in Thailand has presented me with many challenges, from the uneven pavement and buses with high steps to songthaews (small pickups with 2 rows of seats in back) that are packed with university students. Methods I use to deal with these obstacles include taking tuk-tuk taxis and relying on friends with motorcycles. I also deal with it by not doing too much in one day and pacing myself. I have found that I can deal with mono-temperature water and Thai style showers (spigot out of the wall), but squat toilets still present problems.

Villages presented a number of challenges: steps and stairways (railings are a rarity), bathing facilities and the overall design of the house. I met these challenges by talking to the Resident Director and seeing what could be done to ease my fears. The solution we came up with was to prescreen my houses to make sure there were no steep stairs and that the bathroom had amenities which would allow me to bathe easier.

Particular activities over the course of the summer also presented me with challenges. The orientation hike at Khao Yai National Park was listed in the program guide as a "90 minute not-too-rigorous walk through the jungle." That not-too-rigorous walk was one of the toughest hikes I have been on, encountering many leeches as well as log bridges crossing rushing streams. The Khao Yai hike challenged me physically as well as mentally. I had to constantly tell myself that I was able to do this and that I did not want to turn back. Although leeches and log bridges were not in my comfort level, I realized I could handle them.

During the Khao Yai hike, I was emotionally and physically spent. I just wanted it to be over. I felt like the hike was pushing my limits a bit too far, yet I wanted to complete it. Although I felt a little uncomfortable, there was always a helping hand. I could not have done the Khao Yai hike without every member in the group. The Khao Yai hike taught everyone about the importance of the group. After the hike, I was glad I had completed it and felt a real sense of accomplishment.

In terms of points in the 2002 summer program that were too far beyond my comfort level, Thani Asoke and Mac Mun communities were two places where I felt unsafe. My decision not to stay at Thani Asoke was made because of mobility concerns coupled with the fact that there was a no shoes rule, which meant that the potential for accidents was heightened. Mae Mun was far more serious. My decision not to stay there was made because of accessibility issues and safety concerns. Also, it was raining buckets and the slippery conditions presented another safety concern At Mae Mun, I realized that there must be many more small adjustments made to my comfort level before I can succeed there. I realized that spending the night at Mae Mur would have been a flying leap rather than small step. CIEE has a safety net set up whereby participants who are sick injured or otherwise unable to participate have the option of using alternate accommodations for the night. I was glad this safety net existed, yet when I needed it, I felt guilty as I sat and thought of the other participants having sore feet at Thani Asoke and water-logged bodies at Mae Mun. I felt guilty about not being at Mae Mun because I was concerned that I was not contributing to the group process. The success of the group was my main concern and that is why I felt bad.

At first I was not sure the group understood, but at the next group meeting, I was given a chance to explain, and I think they began to understand my concerns. They also let me know that I had fourteen people I could depend on. Although the group stated in the meeting that they could have helped me had I asked, I still felt as though the burden lay on the two guys in the group, who I always stayed with. Sometimes I felt that the group worked okay with me as a team, while at other points, I felt left out. When that started to occur, I lost faith in the group wanting to help me succeed.

Despite Thani Asoke and Mae Mun being way beyond the limit of my comfort level CIEE summer Thailand 2002 was a success. I pushed my limits and had fun it the process. This program not only showed me my current limits, but it also showed me how much potential exists within me.

The main conclusion I drew from the entire program is to reexamine physical ant mental abilities and make constant reassessments of capabilities. Everyone can do (almost) everything - they just have to want to do it.

Justin Brumelle, CIEE Study Center in Khon Kaen, Thailand, Summer 2002